Life and passion

Some people live busy lives because they live by their passion and have made it their work. Many more, I'm afraid, live their lives in a blur of activity that does'nt satisfy, because they once let their passion slip away from them, or even betrayed it knowingly and brutally.I did that once, and it left me numbed and stifled for many years. Because of that betrayal I don't think I could have been an actor even if I had tried back then, when I was young. There was so much emotion I had to keep in check, I would not have been able to give a living perfomance in any setting. My insides were so torn up and dark that I felt like I was caught naked in the spotlight when I was with friends or at a party and heard John Lennon sing "One thing you can't hide, is when you're crippled inside."

Whatever light came to me, it could'nt quite break through, and things were muddled. For many years it did'nt get better. Darkness just grew, and I could'nt get a hold of the strands of light and colour that flew by.

When I was divorced about ten years ago, not to say a bad word about my ex wife, things started clearing up. Fundamentally.

I set myself a goal then, and I felt I once again that I had a future, something I had'nt felt for years. I'm now a different person then the one I was then, so I've come a long way in these years. And around this last christmas, things came to a head. This summer may very well be the summer that I leave the sidetrack I've been running down some decades, and get back where I belong.